open & shut

the first time the door
closed
i protested
feeling myself isolated
were you pushing me
away
sometimes I feel
suffocated but when faced
with aloneness
i resist

the second time the door
closed
the air was too heavy
i sought aloneness
the wilderness of my thoughts
your voice like static
cling or electricity
necessary forces sometimes
but
i needed space

and the third time the door
closed
i just needed sleep
& the tv was too loud

now i close the door
to create space
for separateness and breath
to inhale myself
by closing the door
i don’t mean
to shut you out
i promise
it’s not like that

i gotta shut myself in
with the wild horses
stampeding through my
brain
the scared kitten
trying to claw my
eyes out

my heart, tender
the beauty i can create
or destroy

with the door closed
i can contemplate
the universe
& know her

when you closed the door that gave me permission

and when i open the door
i meet your eyes nestled
in midnight fabric
bright stars gazing
into my full moon face
your constellation of concern
i say i’m alright
& it rings true

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